what to disclose to others about your child?

[AmyinWI]

Not a special needs mom (although my baby has serious allergies). But since this is my field...moms often unload on me.

I don't think using the names of things like "oh, my son is moderately dyslexic with some processing issues and has sensory dysfunction" is not helpful at all to people.


Names, titles, dx-es and all that mean nothing to most people. They just want to hear "oh, she sometimes flaps her hands when upset so if she starts flapping, I'm supposed to get her mother"

Very good advice Alice!
I often over-explain also, and tend to forget that most people don't get the special needs/medical lingo and I usually end up getting blank stares.

[LillianD]

Exactly...what behaviors does your son have that will pop up in class? Address those and forget the others.

I agree with this, its a need to know thing. In my co-op, there were plenty of kids with all sorts of varying special needs, I will say, most teachers were pretty understanding. Just keep in mind though, these are not usually trained teachers, so some are ill equipped to handle special needs. I pulled my son from a class because he is severely dyslexic and couldn't really do the written tests the teacher gave at the beginning of every class, the teacher told me "well, I have an autistic kid in my class who can do it" which obviously is a totally different thing. Don't be shy about offering to be a teacher's helper or even just staying in class so that you can be there if it's something you think the teacher couldn't handle on their own.

[Jodi B]

I wasn't planning on not informing the leaders, I just am not sure quite how to approach it and how much detail to go into, since I have the tendency to over-explain.

Not a SN mom either, but I saw this title and was intrigued.

As someone who has taught SS and LOGOS in the past, I would appreciate some specifics to look out for, what may trigger something in your ds, so I can better prepare and make accommodations as needed.

So instead of saying he has xyz, instead frame it as something like, he generally develops issues if he (and I'm just using general examples here, not specific to your situation):

* has to sit for long periods of time
* does complex projects which frustrate him easily
* has to do a lot of reading
* is put under pressure to perform

And then give suggestions of what can be done to diffuse the situation, including getting you (give your cell# so you can be quickly reached).

What has been frustrating to me from past experiences are things like kids on ADD/ADHD meds where the parents give them weekends off (and don't tell me) :eek1: or they don't tell me at all, downplay it or refuse to be a part of the solution (no help).

[Tiffany]

I just wanted to thank all of you ladies for taking the time to respond. All of the advice each one of you gave is really helpful to me, and I will be thinking about what to say and how to word it so that it is clear and specific to his classroom behaviors/learning issues. I was a classroom teacher myself (before I took this new gig of motherhood and now homeschooling) and as a teacher I was more than willing to meet each child where they are. I just pray that I have teachers who will do this for mine.
Oh, and Cori, I LOVE that quote-thank you so much for adding it.

[Rebe]

Thank you for asking this! I was coming here to ask a very similar question. This is really helpful to me.

I'm trying to NOT regret not knowing any of this with my firstborn. Just trying to do the right thing this time around.

[shalomew]

disclosure...I am not a special needs Mom.

I will give you a slightly different side.

I think another thing to consider is the age of the child and the age of the other kids in the class, as well as how big the classes are.

I was the coordinator of a parent led class at our co-op for 2 years. It was a "story/circle" time class for kids age 3-5. We met each week and there were 8-10 kids in the class. We had a child in that class that had challenges- attention, social etc.. We were not told of his challenges although he had a "helper" or a parent in the class with him. The parent was there to deal with him when things happened so the teacher didn't have to stop and address it but it was still a disaster for the other kids in the class. That younger age bracket just has a much harder time dealing/recovering from distractions presented by another child. They can't help but look at or focus on what that child is doing especially if it physical or vocal. They weren't judgmental of the other child it was just too much of a distraction for them to handle at that age. We had several people that wanted refunds for their kids tuition to this class and some that just quit bringing their kids. He was in other classes that were paid professional teacher taught and it was a similar situation in them also. It was just hard for everyone.

I think the older kids get the better they can deal with distracting behaviors of other kids.

If you are able to sit in on the first couple of classes (in the back of the room) with your son to see how everything goes I think that would be helpful for your child, the teacher and the other kids. If an issue comes you are right there to help if needed or the teacher can see how you handle it.

also adding that some of the paid teachers in our co-op did not come from a traditional teaching background. Our art teacher who was great, for example, was a professional artist that came by teaching to the homeschool community in a round about way. SO not all teachers might have the "training" or experience to deal with special needs kids and might need some tips and tricks to deal with your particular child's challenges and quirks.

Co-ops are all set up so different and have different goals and capabilities. Hopefully, you can find a spot where your kids can thrive!

[Hollie in SC]

I just wanted to thank all of you ladies for taking the time to respond. All of the advice each one of you gave is really helpful to me, and I will be thinking about what to say and how to word it so that it is clear and specific to his classroom behaviors/learning issues. I was a classroom teacher myself (before I took this new gig of motherhood and now homeschooling) and as a teacher I was more than willing to meet each child where they are. I just pray that I have teachers who will do this for mine.
Oh, and Cori, I LOVE that quote-thank you so much for adding it.

Tiffany, you are a super mom and you do a great job with your kids. I know you will go in with a spirit of cooperation. That goes so far!

I know that new steps are a huge challenge for me. Things that took only a little thought with my typical kids can now feel like a mountain to conquer. Just working out details and stuff can sometimes make the introvert in me want to run. I've been helping out with a co-op this past year and it has been so great to get back into one. They've been great to help me work things out. It was so hard for me to go and introduce myself and then ask for help with things, but these ladies have been wonderful and co-op was a fabulous experience for us last year because of the hearts of the women there.

I know every once in a while you can run into places where our kids aren't received well or where there are a lot of rules and it just doesn't work out. I pray that isn't the situation because it is hard on a mom's heart, but if you do run across one like that then I want to encourage you to look somewhere else. There are SO MANY different co-ops in our area. I'm sure you can find a good fit somewhere.

Keep us updated, okay?

[normafl]

I used to tell everyone what my kids have and have discovered that it doesnt help or it scares them unnecesarily.

I have an ADHD child and aspergers both with dyslexia and assorted stuff and we have been in many co-ops and now I ask the teachers how they are going to run the class. Do they need to look stuff up, do they need to take notes, answer questions on the spot, get there hands dirty... Whatever..Then I decide what Im going to say.

So for my ADHD child who needs a break from sitting I say "she needs to check in with me for reassurance" This gives her a chance to get up and move and me a chance to ask her how she is doing feeling etc..It gives her a break. I have never had a teacher tell me she cant come see me only that she needs to let her know she is leaving the classroom.

Sometimes for my Aspie Ive just said she is very shy please dont call on her to read or draw any attention to her. On a few occasions the teachers have caught on but by now they have been around my child long enough to see that its fine and not a problem. And if it has become a problem because for example the teacher talks too fast or loud or its too confusing or something then I have pulled them out and explained the situation.

I say take a chance I bet they will do great!

[Tiffany]

Thank you everyone else who has stopped in to offer their advice. I appreciate it very much.
Alice, that is really good and helpful advice. Thank you.
Lillian, and shalomew, your point about the teachers possibly more trained in their subject matter than teaching children, is really helpful to think about. I think that is sad what happened in that coop shalomew. It seems that the other adult could have been helpful but I appreciate your input.
Jodi, yes that is definitely frustrating and hard to put the teacher in that position. You sound great. You can teach my child.
Hollie, your post made me cry. I guess you just understood what I was feeling and trying to express.
Still praying about what to do.
Thank you sincerely to all of you.